The Ten Reasons Why ME
by kageshoujo
Summary: So, Yuffie, if you’re planning to stalk that man and bug him to be your Valentines date, let me remind you that you’ve got other choices, yo. Like me, y’know. Aww, honey, you don’t believe I’m being serious? Let me give you 10 reasons...


The 10 Reasons Why ME

A Reno-Yuffie Post-Valentine Project

_Reno POV. Yuffentine fans, get out of here unless you happen to like Reffie as much as you like Yuffentine. While I love the whole Vincent-Yuf too (sometimes), I do love Reffie, and since this is from Reno's POV, he might bash Vincent a bit. Vincent fans, you have been warned._

I sick of Valentine's Day.

Any word, any day, _anything_ that has something to do or some sort of connection with that black-haired, red-caped _someone_ was bad enough for me. Especially if the ninja chick with long legs was the one making the connections. Now, days for red-haired, black-coat-wearing handsome devils (me) was paradise, yo.

Every day it seems ninja chick talks about Vincent, Vincent. Valentine, Valentine. Uuugh. Reeve's some evil right hand of ultimate evil, yo. He put me up with ninja chick after the thing with the evil Sephiroth clones, pairing us together in the reconstruction projects. Sir Rufus agreed. Rude gave no argument. I think he was glad to be with Elena, rather than me. There's been something going on between them these days. And so who do I get paired with? _Yuffie_. Sheesh. And whose damn idea was it to get together with Avalanche, anyways? REEVE!

Now there's nothing wrong with Yuffie, she was bearable, and frankly I've met worse people. She's okay, and rather fun to tease, and I wouldn't mind her at all, not at all, if only if it weren't for one thing: the necessity for her to talk of Valentine, all the time.

_You know, you know, I don't really like being paired with you, _she would say, _I'd rather prefer Vincent. He is sooo much better than you._

_Only he mysteriously went off, and if he were here I can tell he'd rather work alone, yo, _I'd tell her. _Same goes for me._

And she'd only groan and count off the reasons why Valentine was _soooo_ hot, leaving me to light up a cigarette and curse Reeve. _Why, oh why me, with this girl, of all people?_

And with Valentine's Day coming, I heard more and more Vincent, Vincent. Valentine, Valentine. Damn it.

_Hey, Legs. Did it ever cross your mind that all this talk of Valentine is making me sick? _I asked her.

_Sorry, redhead. I don't care if you feel sick. And stop calling me 'legs'!_

And I know Valentine didn't care much for her, didn't even think she existed. But there she was, throwing herself towards him at every given chance. And this Valentine's, she's probably gonna force herself to him for a date. For some reason the very thought of it was very, very disturbing. So, Yuffie, if you're planning to stalk that man and bug him to be your Valentines date, let me remind you that you've got other choices, yo. Like me, y'know. Aww, honey, you don't believe I'm being serious? Let me give you 10 reasons why I'm so hot that that vampire would pale in comparison to me.

10 – I TOOK YOU TO THE ROUND SQUARE WHEN HE WOULDN'T

How was I to know that you were with spikey-boy? How was I to know your group was taking a little vacay away from the hassles of the world and Sephiroth and Lifestream and clones and meteors before going for the ultimate showdown? Nah, I wasn't s'posed to know. Nor were you Avalanche guys supposed to know that we of the Turks were then currently unemployed—no idea where Tseng was, where the president was, and even if we knew where they were they wouldn't have the money to pay us for our services (at least that moment). So we needed a vacay too, yo.

You were sitting there alone in the corner of some bar, drinking to yourself. You were some sorry sight, really. All depressed and miserable and all that. Didn't know why I approached you, but I did.

"Hey. Avanlance person." You didn't look up. "Hey. Ninja chick with the long legs."

_That _got your attention. You looked up and scowled. "Turkey. Don't pick a fight with me, I am so not in the mood I might just chop your head off. Buzz off."

"Aww, what's got you so sour?"

"None of your business!"

I still sat beside you, wearing a smirk all the while. I eyed the drinks on the counter before you. "That's illegal, yo. You're not even eighteen?"

You groaned.

"Sixteen," I said.

You scowled, and asked, "How in the world did you know?!"

"I'm Turks, baby."

"Yeah, you're the ultimate enemy, dogs of Shinra, destroyer of this planet…"

"Ouch!" I feigned a hurt expression. When you reached towards your back for your gigantic shuriken, only to figure you didn't bring it with you, I tried to keep you level headed. "Aaaand, just so you know, I am currently off the job. So I'm not ultimate enemy, dog of Shinra, destroyer of planet… at least not now. Have a go at me some other time."

You, again, scowled and groaned and sobbed, and then I just realized that your eyes had been sore and you had been crying. "W-Wait! Babe, what's wrong? You're all miserable…"

"As I said, none of your business, Turkey! Buzz off before I call Cloud and the others!" you threatened, but your voice was breaking, making the words less frightening.

I put on a grin when I realized what was going on. "Ah. Someone ditched you for a date? Broke your precious little heart?"

You didn't answer, just sobbed some more. So that was it.

I stayed there beside you and got my own drinks until you whispered, to yourself, "All I wanted was a little trip on the Round Square… on that huge, huge Ferris Wheel…"

I almost laughed. You sounded like a little kid. "_That's_ why you're miserable?! Oh, man…" I couldn't help but chuckle a little.

"Don't laugh at me, Turkey boy!"

I laughed more, and you reddened, and I took some gil from my wallet. I slid it over to you. "Tickets aren't so expensive that I could give you money for it. Sheesh."

"I have the money!" you said. "All… I wanted was… his company…"

Women were ridiculous. I didn't see how they couldn't be like men, like me, who wouldn't stay with some person who just hurt them. Or stuff. "There's lots of fish in the ocean, dear."

"…Duuuh."

Well, duuuh as well. "C'mon," I said, getting up and pulling you up by the arms. "Let's get out of here. You want Round Square? You're getting it. Let's go."

I didn't know why I did that, I just did. And prayed (wait, I know the meaning of the word 'pray'?!) earnestly and hardly that Elena and Rude won't be there to see it, or any of your Avalanche buddies.

9 – A TURK IS BETTER THAN AN EX-TURK

Seriously, ladies. Ex-Turk with ratty old red cape or Turk with sleek black coats? Seriously! I don't even think I need to explain this any longer!

8 – I TOTALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND WHERE HE GETS HIS GIL FROM

I get my income from being a Turk and stuff like that, and no matter how broken Rufus and Reeve an all what remains of Shin-ra seems, they're got enough going to pay us, though in the minimal. And though it looks like I spend every last cent of my paycheck in bars, I _do _have savings. I do, I do, and I get them from a _real _job. Though said job is not very respectable—who cares? It pays well. And let me tell you that I do have a motorbike just like Cloud's, only I don't show it around. Might scratch it, yo.

Now, I don't know how Vincent Valentine gets his money. I don't think that he'd get a non-fighting, scaring, threatening kind of job with how he looks. He's all scary, yo. He can't even be a salesman, except maybe for life insurance. Avalanche doesn't exactly earn like Turks do, unless you guys are secretly funded by someone. (Reeve?!) And he's been stuck too long in that coffin to even preserve a bank account. According to Turks database, he doesn't even have one. So where did he get the gil to buy that phone? Yeah, he must be stealing it or something. Though my work is sometimes dirty, at least it's a _real_ work with real pay, yo.

7 – HE HAS LARD FOR HORMONES

You can't expect him to long for you, babe. You hardly have any female assets, apart from those killer legs that he almost doesn't seem to care for. Years in that coffin has killed every inch of manly hormone he could ever have. Unless he of course managed to read some good magazines while he was inside that coffin. But you can get naked in front of him and he wouldn't even care. See, he has lard for hormones.

Now, me! Look at me! A perfectly healthy young man, all in me working in accordance to the natural order of things, hormones included. The moment you---

"Lech!" Yuffie yelled before I could make another word. "I'd rather have someone who has lard for hormones than someone who goes around and darts his hormones towards every girl he sees!"

"Oh, not everyone," I said. "I haven't been pulling anything on you."

She raised a brow, not knowing if it were insult or compliment.

"See, I think I'm with vampire boy on this one. Looking at you just turns my hormones to lard."

Yuffie groaned, and indignantly hastened her steps to get away from me.

But if it's any consolation, Yuf, your legs are already a meal in itself. It even looks delicious. Now if you'd only let me take a bite… Wow, sounds like some fastfood chain advertisement…

Whoah! I'm hiding before you bring out that giant Conformer!

6 – HE IS OLDER THAN YOU AND ME COMBINED

Marrying Red XII would only be slightly better. Or worse, 'cuz Red's older. Now, Vincent is just about like that mad professor, Hojo. Older than that creep, Sephiroth… Yeah, he was already a young professional before Sephiroth was born, according to records. That makes him as old as some grandpa now, not like you and me, Yuf. Yeah, we belong together, you see? I'm only older, what, a five or six years? And don't complain that that's too old—vampire boy's probably forty years older than you. And I don't wanna sound like I'm all degrading him for what he is—but he's not a normal human, too, y'know? You probably know. But that ain't the point here—it's just that logically, you should be going out with someone in your age group, yo.

5 – HATE BEING COMPARED TO SOMEONE LIVING, WHAT MORE TO SOMEONE DEAD?

"It seems that Vinnie can just about connect everything to Lucrecia!" you ranted, looking in despair. "Everything you say, little things you do… oh, it reminds him of her! Why won't he just move on?!"

"It's sickening to hear someone talk all the time about someone you don't exactly like, don't'ya think?"

"Hell yeah! It's sickening!"

"And I sure know how that feels."

When you realized what that meant (five seconds after you already started some sentence about vampire boy again) you gave me a heck of a slap (more like _slam_) on the back that I nearly lost my balance. And then you went on and on about how much of an ass I was. Great.

Why won't _you_ just move on?

4 – I'VE BROUGHT MORE PROGRESS TO WUTAI VIA THE BARS

I've spent more gil than Valentine on trying to improve the economy of your country by bringing in more income through the bars. I can't count how many cocktails I had, how much I spent on the hotel (and the other _amenities _involved with hotels), and how much I paid bars. And there was something about Wutai's bars, too.

You can't deny it, Yuf. You, drunk on the cocktails. Me, half drunk on the cocktails. Wutai was a vacation, y'know. I was there to have fun and enjoy and push being a Turk to the back of my mind. I knew you were Wutai's princess, but I didn't expect little princess to be getting drunk in one of the bars.

"Hey," I said, "hey," as I tried to pull some random female blonde away from me in the process of making my way to you. I knew it was you—short hair and short shorts and long legs and all that. I had to squeeze through the crowd of people dancing to get to you. When I did I shook you from behind, no luck, you were too drunk to recognize.

I managed to get the man sitting beside you off his seat by a well-practiced threat (one of the many things I'm good at). "Yo," I called out to you as I sat down, "Avalanche person. Hey. Ninja chick."

You looked at me—you were so drunk, I could tell—and recognized the mass of red hair I had and must've recognized me for it. "Oh, Turkey. Red-head Turkey."

"Yeah, it's me, babe. And stop calling me Turkey. What's up?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing, huh? So I suppose it's the duty of Wutai's princess to add to the economy by getting drunk in the bars. Are you even legal?"

"I'm not… drunk. Hic! And I'm—hic!—legal, yes." An obvious lie, both statements.

I groaned and got some water for you, and took the drinks laid out before you, and expertly drained them by myself. You almost protested, but I said, "This stuff is poison, trust me. You don't want the whole of Wutai knowing that their Lady Kisaragi is out getting wasted. Now drink that water—your hiccup is killing me."

You did, and thankfully the hiccups stopped. Then you asked, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm on vacation," I answered, casually. "I'm a normal fixture in bars. What are _you_ doing here?"

You didn't answer. "Daddy problems?" I asked.

You didn't answer again, but just got up and grabbed me by the arm. "C'mon. Let's dance," you said, and dragged me up to the dance floor. I didn't know then that I was so weak as to be dragged by a barely eighteen girl, but hey, you got me.

And maybe, since we were both influenced by drinks, we danced. I danced, you danced, and rather wildly and seductively did you, _Lady Kisaragi_.

"Yuffie," I bent down to whisper to you over the loud music.

"Hm?" You looked up, and smiled, nonchalant.

"I might just give you a warning and reality check here. I'm drunk, you're drunk. If you continue dancing like this, we're not unlikely to end up in bed, okay?"

You nodded, and just smiled. "I get it."

"So if something happens, it's not my fault, okay?"

"Uh-huh." But then you added, "So, you worry about stuff like that? How unlike you."

"I only worry because I wouldn't be caught dead sleeping with a kid. They'll file a lawsuit against me, yo." That and your father would chase me to the world's end, and so would Cloud and his gang. Things would turn up on the news and the papers, and I can't exactly be a Turk when everyone knows who I am.

Then you did the unthinkable—reached up and laced arms around my neck and kissed me. No, no, no—don't start with me, Yuf. YOU started it. Not me. So not me.

When we pulled away, I said, "Okay, that's it. You're too drunk to continue this. I'm taking you home."

"To your home?"

I blinked. "No, _your_ home."

And I did. Later it turned up as an article in the Wutaian Times, and though my name wasn't there, I swore I wasn't going to visit Wutai again in a hundred years. Maybe I would when everyone forgets who I am, but that's not very likely.

Oh, to clear things up again, YOU started it, not me.

…But that doesn't mean I didn't like it…

3 – I BOTHERED TO RESCUE YOU FROM DON-SOMETHING

I bothered to rescue you from the lechiest lech there ever was, one far, far worse than me. Sure, your vampire boy was there, and sure, Elena was captured with you, but you have to add to the fact that I had to work with spikey boy and your weird group of Avalanche just to get it done. Imagine how hard that was, and I put up with it to save your and Elena's sorry asses. And you never thanked me. Not even a single word or gesture of thanks, babe. It may have been just a simple gesture of thanks, but I lost sleep over that, you. And a few seconds of thought, too, thinking and wondering if next I see you you'd even bother to say, "Hey, Reno, thanks for saving me back then from Corneo." But no. Your thanks never came…

2 – YOU KNOW YOU LIKE ME, BABE

"Seriously, Reno," Reeve said. "Stop ranting about Yuffie. She and you were not put together because of some ultimate evil scheme, but because… of your personalities."

"Oh, because she can't get a man, and I'm the ladies' man, is that it?" I said. "Really, Reeve. I don't give a damn if she loved Valentine, I just wished she stopped talking about him! I'm getting nightmares about Vinnie-boy!"

"And I suppose I'm getting nightmares, too, with all your incessant wailing of Yuffie."

I knew what he was thinking. I knew. "Oh, don't put me in the same category as her. I only talk about how irritating her constant talk of Valentine is, but that doesn't mean I like her."

"Well, there was that thing in Wutai…"

"Oh no," I said. "Oh no. Don't even start with that one. I was lucky no one caught my name or had a clear shot of me, and that I passed off as some anonymous club patron. She thinks I stained her name, though, so she put up this annoying scheme to get back at me."

"Well," he said, "would you rather be paired with someone else? I don't know anyone else from Avalanche who'd suit you well."

Spikey? No, hell no. I hated him. Tifa. That's a no go, since spikey boy would kill me. Cid, Barret—hell no. Valentine? HELL NO.

"See? She's the only choice," Reeve said. "And I don't want you to work alone for reconstruction projects, last time you did that—"

"I know, I know," I said. "It has to be her, huh?"

"Yes," Reeve said. "And if it's any consolation, Reno… She likes you."

Nonsense. "Huh?"

"Think of it this way—she likes you, so her unnecessary quirk of mentioning Vincent all the time was made to make you jealous. So ignore it, alright?"

I knew Reeve only put it that way so that I'd stop ranting about your constant repetition of Vincent, but… he had a point there. At least I think he did.

1 – AND I THINK I LIKE YOU TOO, YO

"Hey, Rude. Who do you like?" I asked Rude once, long, long ago. "What are you getting so embarrassed about? Come on? Who do you like?"

Liking some chick from the group you were supposed to get rid of wasn't any good at all, but it was fun. It was fun because it was sort of forbidden, not meant to be done and all that. After a long, long pause, Rude finally answered. "Tifa."

"Hmmmm... That's a tough one. But, poor Elena. She...... you......"

" No, she likes Tseng."

"I never knew that! But Tseng likes that Ancient..."

It was then that Avalanche came into the scene, along with Yuffie. Now Yuf, I knew you heard every bit of what Rude and I talked about, and after that we literally had to go whacking each other and all, and I even told Rude "don't even go easy on the girl"…

…But.

Reeeeeewwiiiind.

You didn't catch all of it.

"Avalanche has got pretty tough chicks…" I wondered aloud that time, thinking of you and your ragtag group of supposedly bartenders, supposedly flower girls, supposedly delivery boys… who all kicked ass. But something else was lingering in my mind, something I would never quite tell Rude…

"I see. You like someone from them."

"I do NOT!" I immediately reacted.

I swore he was suppressing some laugh. "If you say so. But I don't remember you acting this defensive, ever. So who do you like?"

I groaned. And gave in. "You know that newest girl in Avalanche, according to intelligence?"

"The ninja. The one from Wutai. Heard she was a princess."So Rude did know who I was talking about. "She's difficult, then. Dangerous."

Of course. It's like princess meets the hot henchman of evil. "All the more making it fun."

And _then_ I started pestering him about who he liked.

I thought that it was just some silly infatuation, like some silly chase for trouble. _Do it, Reno. Mess up the ninja princess with long legs. It'll be fun! _I didn't think that you'd be the one to mess me up, making me feel weird and… weirder. Making me list down ten ridiculous reasons for you to just go out with me and stop chasing Valentine. I liked you then for being ninja chick with the long legs. And now, all this time with you, by Reeve's order, has made me see a little past that, yo. I know there's more there between us, Yuf. Heck, I wouldn't call it destiny, maybe chemistry, but there must be a little more there. Why don't we just try it out?

-----

"_Why don't we just try it out?" he said, finishing his long speech._

_Yuffie crossed her arms to herself, never looking back at him. "Naw, I don't know, Turkey boy. Vinnie might still give me a holler…"_

"_Sheesh. Stop wasting your time on him, babe. It's February the fourteenth and you're dateless. You probably couldn't find a date even if you searched the whole planet! Now, me, I could get one in a minute, but I'm doing you a favor here."_

"_Reno," she said, somewhat impatiently, "I don't think that's what you say to other girls to get them to agree to go out with you. You wouldn't get one even if you searched the whole planet if that's how you ask 'em."_

"_Aw, it's not like I'm asking you to marry me," he said. "It's a date. You and I just walk together and stuff…"_

"…_Stuff?" She looked back at him, and raised a brow. "Grossness, Reno. If you want me to agree, you gotta be better to that. A-And I don't need a date just because--"_

"_Stop denying yourself, sugar! You've always been selfish, why not be selfish now?"_

_She groaned, stomped her heel in irritation, and turned away again._

_He groaned as well. "Fine. My bad. You want me to do things a different way? Here goes."_

_She was about to turn back to him to figure what he meant, when suddenly he was right behind her, holding her closer, arm around her waist. "Yuffie," he whispered, and she felt his breath tickling the nape of her neck. "I've got a nice reservation in a nice restaurant waiting, tickets to that newly opened theme park, plans to check out that new ice cream place, scavenge for materia in the thrift shops, stuff like that. The only problem is that I have no one to share it with. Wanna solve my problem, then?"_

_She wiggled her brows. "You've got all that planned and waiting?"_

"_Yeah. Seriously."_

_A part of her took it and believed it. "But… you can't just hold me like this, Turk."_

"_If you say so." He backed away. And oddly she felt disappointed that he did._

_She tried to concentrate more on the things he said. "Ice cream?"_

"_Yup, I heard the new place was nice. I think I want a peanut butter sundae. How about you?"_

_She loved ice cream! But she tried not to show it. "Theme park?"_

"_With a huge ferris wheel. And cotton candy."_

"_Materia hunt?"_

"_Yeah, the things are probably scattered around Edge, and there are still some for sale."_

"_Are you honestly serious?"_

"_Why don't you tag along to find out?"_

"_Are you—"_

"_Going to pay everything you pick up? Why not?" he said. I'm going to regret I said that._

_She shrugged. "Since you're being generous, I think I'd accept. On one condition!"_

"_Name it, babe."_

"_No one—and I mean no one—is ever gonna hear of this!"_

"_You got it, Yuf."_

_And so she sighed, and nodded, and they continued walking. Four ice creams, two theme park tickets, a full-course dinner, a dozen materia, and four drinks later, she said:_

"_You know, Reno, the second to the last item on your ridiculous list…"_

"_Yeees?"_

"_You may be right about it. In a weird way."_

_He smirked and knew it wasn't his last date with her._

**End.**

A/N: My first Reno-Yuffie fic. More than that, my first fanfic out of the Fire Emblem fandom. (probably the shortest story I ever wrote, too! I can't, for the love of me, ever write short stuff) I'm a big fan of Reffie—reading Reffie fics give me the ultimate high. So I dedicate this to all the writers who kept Reffie alive.

Not a lot of romance here, but a whole lot of Reno perspective. I don't know if I characterized him well, since I'm not even a boy and all to be qualified to fit myself into his shoes. I started this work at Valentine's day, so there goes the reason behind the Valentines setting of the story.

Reviews are very welcome!


End file.
